


What Would it Have Been Like?

by KESullivan



Category: Stray Kids (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: F/M, Hwang Hynjin, Kim Namjoon - Freeform, Kim Seokjin - Freeform, Life Redo, Min Yoongi - Freeform, Seo Changbin - Freeform, Time Travel, bang chan - Freeform, felix lee - Freeform, han jisung - Freeform, jeon jungkook - Freeform, jung hoseok - Freeform, kim seungmin - Freeform, kim taehyung - Freeform, lee minho - Freeform, park jimin - Freeform, the one that got away, yang jeongin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25214149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KESullivan/pseuds/KESullivan
Summary: Had I been tricking myself thinking that this is what love was and what being an adult was? Most of my friends were still single and going out every weekend while I was sitting here basically married. Did I skip over something?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to try and include as many BTS and Stray Kids members as possible, but I haven't really planned this out so we'll see how this goes! :) This story is purely for fun and I am writing it as a way to pass time in quarantine.

I stood at my stove listening to the sound of popping oil from the chicken that was frying in the pan and humming a little tune quietly to myself. As I bopped my head side to side I didn't realize that I was joined in the kitchen by another person. 

"That's a nice little song you have going there, Casey."

I jumped at the sound of my boyfriend Namjoon's voice and almost flung the piece of chicken that I had been flipping across the room. 

“Jesus Joon, you gotta give a girl some warning when they are cooking. I could have burned myself.” I shook my head and safely finished flipping the piece of chicken before putting down the spatula and turning to face the doorway where Namjoon stood chuckling. 

He walked over to me with a smile on his face and gently grabbed me around the waist pulling me to him. “I’m sorry, you just looked so cute so I had to watch you for a little bit.”

“Creepy,” I giggled. “I didn’t realize that my boyfriend likes to watch women while they don’t know that he is there.”

He laughed while bending down to kiss my forehead, “oh honey, the only person I like to watch is you.” 

I leaned into his embrace and closed my eyes for a second just reveling in his presence. His crisp white shirt was soft against my cheek and he still smelled faintly of the cologne he puts on every morning mixed with the train and fresh spring air outside. I pulled my head away from his chest to look up at his tousled, medium brown hair that had all been pushed to one side and his deep brown eyes that looked at me like I was the only woman in the world. I don’t know how I was able to snag this seemingly absolutely perfect man, but here I was standing in his arms in the middle of the kitchen of the apartment we shared. 

“So, what is my wonderful girlfriend making for dinner tonight?” Namjoon said, snapping me out of my trance.

I looked down at the pan that I had almost forgotten existed and backed up out of the embrace to once again tend to our food. “I figured we could just have some chicken and vegetables. The green beans were about to go bad so I threw them in the oven with some spices.” 

Namjoon hummed appreciatively and went to go wash his hands in the sink while I continued to cook. “That sounds good. I was in the mood for something simple tonight anyway.” He came and leaned against the counter next to the stove while drying his hands. “I don’t really feel that well and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to go to bed early tonight.”  
I paused and looked toward him, “you don’t feel well? Tonight we were supposed to go to meet Yoongi and Seokjin at that new bar.”

“I’m sorry, Casey. I just feel like I need to go to bed early so that I don’t have to miss work tomorrow.” He turned away from me to grab plates out of the cupboard and start setting the table.

I went back to finishing up the chicken in the pan that suddenly did not look that appetizing to me. I could not blame Namjoon for feeling unwell and wanting to get more sleep, but this was the third time that plans had to be changed this month. In addition to him changing plans with our friend multiple times, we also just have not seen much of each other recently since he got a new job. It was starting to feel like we were living two different lives and I was getting bored. 

I tried to not think about it too much as I finished up dinner, but it kept nagging at the back of my mind. 

Once everything had been plated and placed on the table we sat down and began to eat in silence. This was pretty common place lately as well. We would sit in silence, a comfortable silence, but silence nonetheless while eating. Eventually one of us would pull out our phone to start browsing some social media while the other just finished up eating their dinner. This was then usually followed by more silent but together time in front of the TV. 

As I was clearing plates from the table I decided that tonight was not a night that I was going to sit in front of the TV silently again. I have wanted to go to the new bar on the other side of town for weeks and I was not going to put it off again. 

I pulled out my phone and sent a quick message to Yoongi and Seokjin:

Joon isn’t feeling well today, but I still want to meet up with you guys. You game?

I quickly received a reply:

Yoongi: I was already getting ready to go, so I’m glad that I am not wasting my time. 

Seokjin: I’m already here, so you both better get moving. 

I snickered at Jin’s response and headed for the bedroom to get ready. 

I decided not to put too much effort into my outfit, but I slipped a nice necklace on, unbuttoned the top button of my black button-up, and slipped on a pair of leather, heeled boots to cover the ripped ankles of my jeans. Quickly, I pulled my shoulder length, brown hair up into a messy ponytail, grabbed my purse and headed for the door. 

Just as I was going to grab my jacket from the hook by the door Joon called to me from the couch. “Casey, where are you going?”

I turned to look at him, the confusion evident in his eyes as he sat on the couch with the local news playing in the background. “I’m going to meet Yoongi and Jin like we had originally planned to tonight,” I said while I put on my coat. 

“I thought that you were going to stay in with me and we could finish that puzzle we started!” Namjoon sat up a little bit further on the couch and pointed to the coffee table where the 3000 piece puzzle of a roman villa sat half completed. 

I huffed a little bit and headed for the door. “Listen Joon, I’m tired of skipping out on plans with our friends because you are tired, or don’t feel well, or have to finish whatever it is you are doing for work. I don’t get why we seem to have to function like we are the same person. If you don’t feel like going I can still go out and do something that doesn’t involve you!” 

“Hey, you realize that these “friends” that you are going to meet were my friends before we even started dating, right?” He said the frustration evident in his eyes.

“Just because they were your friends first means that I can’t go and hang out with them without you around, huh?” I grabbed the door handle and yanked down. “Well too bad! I’m going anyway!” With that I walked out the front door and slammed it behind me without even glancing back at Namjoon.

***  
“I shouldn’t have reacted like I did guys.” I said blankly looking down at my beer that I had only taken one sip of in the 30 minutes since I ordered it. 

“Casey, you need to calm down and drink your beer otherwise I will.” Yoongi said while slowly creeping his hand close to the base of my glass to drag it toward himself. “All you have done since you got here is complain about what you said to Namjoon. Trust me, he won’t even remember what you said by the time you get home.”

“I agree, you are blowing it way out of proportion.” Jin said, popping pretzels into his mouth. “If I know one thing about Namjoon it is that he loves the pants off of you, and will forgive whatever you said. Plus, you are justified in some of your complaints. You just didn’t express them as well as you could have.”

I groaned, dropping my head to the table top and pushing my beer toward Yoongi. “Why did I even say that stuff? He just didn’t feel well and wanted to do a puzzle together! That’s so cute and innocent and I should have stayed with him.” I bolted up and looked at my two companions, “What if he’s really sick and I left him at home alone! I’m a horrible girlfriend!” 

Jin and Yoongi looked at each other and started to laugh as I sat there and questioned every decision I have ever made in my life. 

Yoongi finally spoke, “Case, you were right. You guys act too much like you are the same person. It’s a good thing that you came out with us tonight.” 

“Plus, Namjoon is a grown ass man and if he is too sick he can handle getting help on his own.” Jin added, draining the rest of his beer. “You are allowed to have fun, even if we weren’t your friends first. We are your friends now.”

I smiled gratefully at Jin and Yoongi. “Thanks guys, having you here to talk some sense into me is incredibly helpful.”

The three of us continued to talk for a while catching up on everything that had been happening in our lives. Jin regaled us with the story of how he and our other friend Hoseok came up with a plan to keep Bianca from their office from stealing their sandwiches from the fridge and Yoongi played us the latest mix of a new song that he had been working on for over 3 months. 

“So Casey, you head home for your high school reunion tomorrow right?” Jin asked me and then took a sip from his third beer of the night. 

I nodded my head, “Yup, heading back tomorrow morning. Probably going to try and see some people before the actual reunion. Reunion is Saturday, and Joon will still hopefully still be showing up Saturday morning so that we can go together.” I fiddled with my glass still thinking about what I had said to Namjoon earlier despite Jin and Yoongi’s reassurance that everything would be fine. 

Yoongi rolled his eyes at me then grabbed my chin so that I was looking into his eyes, “Casey Eleanor Montgomery, you and Namjoon are basically meant to be together. You guys have said maybe one bad thing to each other in your entire two and a half year relationship and have probably some of the best communication skills that I have ever seen. If you keep fretting over something you don’t have to fret over I will end up slapping you. Now, shut up.” He let go of my chin and looked at me with an expectant, but frustrated expression. 

I sighed and nodded at him again. After that we picked up a regular conversation again and talked until the bar informed us that it was the last call. We quickly paid our bill and said goodbye to each other before heading to our respective homes. 

I arrived home much later than I anticipated I would so I was not surprised that Namjoon was not in the living room watching TV when I arrived and all of the lights in our apartment were turned off. In an attempt not to disturb his sleep I took off my boots at the front door and tiptoed around getting ready for bed and packing the last few things that I need to be ready to travel tomorrow. 

Once I was ready for bed I snuck into our shared bedroom and pulled back the thin sheet and climbed in bed next to the sleeping Namjoon. I attempted to cuddle up against his back, but the second that he felt the tips of my fingers brush his shoulder he jerked and moved further away from me. I felt the sting of his subtle rejection of my attempt at a small reconciliation. I layed down on my back on my side of the bed and started up at the ceiling feeling the schism that had started to form between us widen just the smallest bit. 

***  
I awoke the next morning to the soft morning sunlight peeking through the cracks of the blackout curtains in our bedroom. I blinked attempting to focus my bleary eyes. Once I was more conscious I realized that I was alone in the bedroom, but glancing at my watch I realized that it was almost 8:00 am which meant that Namjoon was most likely getting ready to leave for work and if I wanted to catch him before he left I would need to get up now.

I quickly threw the covers off my body and opened the bedroom door fully expecting to see Namjoon dressed, sitting at the kitchen table, reading the morning news while drinking a cup of coffee before he would leave for work at 8:15 am. Usually I would be at the table with him while I ate a bagel and sipped on my first cup of tea of the day, but this morning the kitchen table was completely empty. The entire apartment was empty. 

I walked into the kitchen looking for any sign that Namjoon had participated in any of his normal morning routines at all, but there was nothing in the sink and the dry erase board that we kept on the fridge did not have his daily plans written on it like it usually did. I glanced over at the coffee machine and noticed his travel mug was gone which meant that he left the apartment in a hurry this morning. With a sinking feeling in my stomach I understood that he left the apartment in a hurry this morning to avoid me. 

I sat down at one of the kitchen chairs and just stared at the perfectly clean and put together apartment. It was like it came out of a magazine and I don’t really know how I got here. Everything about my relationship about Namjoon, and Namjoon himself, may seem perfect on the surface, but if I really look at it I feel like I am stuck in a cage walking around and around in circles like zoo animals do. 

Maybe I was just upset because this was the biggest fight that Namjoon and I had ever been in, but not recognizing how monotonous my life and our relationship had become would be a mistake. Had I been tricking myself thinking that this is what love was and what being an adult was? Most of my friends were still single and going out every weekend while I was sitting here basically married. Did I skip over something? 

I ran my hands through my hair and glanced at my watch panicking when I saw the time. I had about 30 minutes until I had to leave for the airport. I ran through the apartment changing my clothes, brushing my teeth and hair, and finally gathering my bags before heading out the door.

As I left, I quickly sent a text to Namjoon: I’m heading to the airport. I guess I missed you this morning, but I’ll see you in a couple days. I love you.

I saw the three little typing dots pop up, disappear, pop up, and then disappear. They didn’t reappear again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really edit this. I sort of just wrote and this is what came out. End is probably better than the beginning. Enjoy!

The plane touched down on the tarmac and I quickly turned airplane mode off so that I could check if Namjoon had responded to me while we were in the air. My heart sank when I saw that I only had one notification and it was from my sister telling me that her and my dad were waiting for me near baggage claim. I went back to my messages with Namjoon and stared at them until the plane had finished taxiing. 

I grabbed my bag from the overhead bin and slowly followed the line of other passengers as they got off the plane. Once I was in the main building of the airport I followed the signs that directed me toward baggage claim. 

As soon as I rounded the corner past the security checkpoint I instantly spotted the top of my dad’s head poking over the tops of the masses. Once I was able to pick him out, I was able to spot my sister not that far from him and headed in their direction.

My dad spotted me first and motioned for my sister to follow him. “Casey, it’s so good to see you. How was your flight?” My dad asked me while he pulled me in for a hug. 

“It’s nice to see you too, dad. The flight was fine.” I turned to my sister, “Olivia, how have you been?”

She shrugged and gave me a quick hug, “I’m a senior in high school, how well can I be doing?”

I shrugged at her in return and the three of us headed toward the front door that led to the small parking lot. We quickly found the car since it was parked just outside the main airport lobby. I quickly tossed my small bag in the trunk and hopped into the passenger seat.

My dad pulled us out of the parking lot and started home. “How is Namjoon? He’ll be showing up on Saturday right?” My dad asked.

I looked down at my lap and tapped the screen of my phone again just to be sure that there were no new messages on my screen. “We’ll see. We got into a fight last night and he hasn’t talked to me since.”

“The perfect couple got into a fight?” My sister snorted from the back seat.  
I glared at her over my shoulder, “Yes, we did.” I looked forward again. “It’s not that big of a deal. Namjoon will be here on Saturday.” 

“Mmhmm,” my sister hummed.

“Casey, is right Olivia.” My dad shot a look at her. “Couples get into fights. I’m sure after a little bit of cool down time they will talk things out and it will be fine.” 

I nodded thankfully at my dad and then moved the conversation onto a different subject. The three of us caught up for the rest of the ride home and soon enough pulled into the familiar driveway of my childhood home. 

I leapt out of the passenger seat as soon as we were parked in the garage and grabbed my bags from the trunk. Following my dad and sister into the house I was soon met by my mom, who had obviously been doing dishes because of the wet pink gloves that dampened the back of my coat when she gave me a hug. 

“Hey kid, how have you been?” My mom smiled up at me and ushered me toward the kitchen. “I still have some leftovers from lunch set out for you so you can eat something and we can catch up.”

“Thanks mom,” I placed my bags down next to my chair, “This is much better than what I could get at the airport.”

“Of course,” she took her gloves off and put them on the edge of the sink and took the seat across from me. “So, what are your plans while you are home? I was hoping that we could go out for dinner as a family tonight, I figure that you have plans with your friends before the reunion, Namjoon gets here Saturday, the reunion, and then you leave.” She shook her head slightly, “if only you could stay longer.”

My lunch started to taste like sawdust and the weight of my silent cell phone in my pocket turned into a brick at the mention of Namjoon. I swallowed my current bite with quite a bit of difficulty and looked down at my plate while I responded, “Actually, I have plans with Chris tonight, mom.”

I looked up at my mom’s surprised face, glad that my statement probably meant she wasn’t thinking about asking how Namjoon is. “You have plans with Chris? When are we going to have family time to catch up though?” My mom looked a little heartbroken.

“I’m sorry mom, this was the only night that he was free and we really wanted to watch the new Hamilton movie together.” The look that my mother was giving me was one that made me feel guilty down to my core, in a way that only a mother can make her daughter feel. “I did leave tomorrow night free though!” 

She perked up at that, but also continued to try and mask it so that I would continue to feel guilty. “Ok, I’ll make a reservation at Dante’s for tomorrow night.”

With that she got up and left me to finish my lunch. I picked at the food on my plate and ate enough that my mother would not question how much I had eaten then headed to my room to get ready to hang out with Chris in a couple hours.

My childhood bedroom looked basically the same as it did when I left for college five years ago. The walls were a light dove gray while all of my furniture was stark white. The monotone nature of the room was broken with pops of turquoise on the bed and decorations on the walls. All of the little trinkets I collected throughout the years were in their places on my dresser, but now they were coated in a thin layer of dust. 

I sat down on the bed and just stared at the walls thinking about how everything had changed in the last five years. When I used to picture coming home for my five year high school reunion I never thought that I would have a long term boyfriend that I lived with, a bachelor's degree, and a decent job. Everything I have is everything I have wanted, but is it really what I wanted now? 

I had never been much of a partier, but even my most conservative friends partied a little in college while I usually sat in my dorm room watching the newest release on Netflix. On the rare occasion that I would venture out on a Friday night it was only for an hour or two and usually involved getting ice cream then my friends leaving to go to a party on frat row. When I met Namjoon, even those Friday night ice cream runs faded away in favor of watching Netflix with him. 

I don’t think avoiding sketchy parties is a bad thing, but there were so many other things I could have done on campus or just off campus. That’s one of the reasons I had gone to school in a large city in the first place, to get out and do things! I could have gone to cheap theater performances, or more concerts, but instead I just became incredibly familiar with two different apartments. 

I sighed and rubbed my face trying to snap me out of the pity loop that I had gotten myself into. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I once again opened my chat with Namjoon to see it still looked the same as it did an hour ago then moved on to my chat with Chris. 

Do you want to pick me up earlier than we planned? Already broke the news to my mom that we were hanging out tonight.

Chris: I was just at the liquor store picking out a few drinks for tonight, but luckily it's the liquor store that is a mile from your house! I’ll be there in 20.

I smiled down at my phone and started to put together a few things in my purse that I thought I might need for our “wild night.”

Soon enough I felt the vibration of my phone in my back pocket and knew that it meant Chris was waiting for me in the driveway. I headed for the front door yelling at my parents that I would be back later and that I had keys and my phone so they didn’t need to wait up to let me in.

A large smile broke across my face when I saw the familiar silver Ford Fiesta waiting for me. I jogged over to the passenger side door and was greeted by the smile of one of my best friends. 

I hopped into the car, closed the door, and immediately leaned over the center console to give Chris the biggest hug. Even though we didn’t develop a friendship until the end of junior year of high school our friendship had become somehow stronger after we graduated (despite the massive on and off crush that I had on him). Out of everyone that I was friends with in high school, he was not someone that I expected to continue to be friends with after I left home, but I am so glad that we had stayed in touch throughout the years. 

He returned my hug and mumbled in my ear, “It’s so good to see you.”

I pulled back so that I could look him in his deep brown eyes. “It’s good to see you too, it’s been so long!”

“It hasn’t been that long, we skyped for your birthday!” He laughed as I rolled my eyes at him.

“My birthday was 6 months ago and you know I meant in person.”

He turned around and started to pull out of the driveway and head for his apartment downtown. “Ok fair enough, but it also doesn’t feel like it’s been that long because whenever we talk it’s for three or four hours at a time so I always feel caught up with what is happening in your life.” 

I agreed. “True, I don’t change that much, but you change all the time! I swear everytime I talk to you, you’ve had three different girlfriends and enough crazy stories to fill three books.” I laughed. 

He scratched the back of his head right below the edge of his black baseball hat that tamed the pile of deep brown curls that matched his eyes. “Yeah, things have been a bit crazy. Sometimes it’s nice to just be able to do something simple and hang out for a night though.” 

I glanced up at him, “It’s nice until it’s all you do though.”

We stopped at a red light and Chris took the opportunity to look me in the eyes and carefully examine my face. “Is everything ok? Is Namjoon ok?”

Chris had only met Namjoon once when he had come home with me a couple summers ago, but he knew many of the intimate details of our relationship and I often went to him for advice. I knew at that moment that he wasn’t going to let the subject drop. “We just got into a fight that’s all. It’ll all be fine in a couple days.”

He squirted at me suspiciously before turning his eyes back to the road. “If you say so.”

***  
“What are you talking about? The second act of the musical should have started with Dear Theodosia and then led into Nonstop, instead of Nonstop being the finale of the first act! I can’t believe you don’t agree with me!” I shouted at Chris from where I sat on his large sectional. 

“But Nonstop is a classic Broadway way to end the first act of a musical and it wraps things up before we move into the post war shaping of America!” Chris shouted back at me.

We had arrived at Chris’s apartment around 2 hours ago and gotten right into watching Hamilton after opening a bottle of wine which had quickly turned into another bottle of wine while we loudly sang along. Luckily for me he had dropped his questions about my relationship more quickly than I thought that he would and we were able to just focus on catching up with other things that had been happening in our lives and our expectations for the reunion. 

I drained the last dredges of my wine from my glass and put it on the coffee table, then stripped off my light flannel that I had been wearing over a white, v-neck t-shirt. Chris placed his glass down next to mine and reclined next to me on the couch so that our shoulders were lightly touching. 

“Ya know, it’s really nice to just chill with you alone for once. Usually Changbin and Jisung would be here too.” 

I turned my head to face him and noticed that our faces were much closer than I thought. “Yeah, I loved seeing those guys when you were roommates, but it’s nice to hang out with just you as well.” I softly smiled at him. 

He paused for a second searching my face before he seemed to snap out of his thoughts and turned away from me. “So, let's talk about you and Namjoon now.”

My heart sunk. “Like I said in the car we just got into a fight, it isn’t that big of a deal.” I looked down at my lap. 

“It is a much bigger deal than you are making it out to be because you refuse to talk about and you are obviously upset. I can see it one your face.” His voice lowered slightly. “I’m not oblivious, Casey.”

I sighed, “We just got into a fight yesterday because I wanted to go out to a bar with our friends and he didn’t feel well so I was going to go by myself, but he wanted me to stay in with him. This has been happening so often lately though that I was tired of just doing the same thing every night that I blew up at him and walked out the door.” My voice started to become higher and I started to talk faster. “Jin and Yoongi said that it was going to be totally fine, but he was asleep when I got home, left before I woke up this morning, and has not answered a single one of my texts in the last 12 hours.”

I sat forward in my seat and clasped my hand on my lap. “I guess that I have also just started thinking about what my life looks like lately and I have started wondering if it’s all too perfect. Like did I really let my youth go past me in favor of being overly comfortable? Is part of the issue that I met Namjoon and we moved in with each other and we have talked about marriage really abstractly, but my god, right now thinking about that makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. He is my first serious boyfriend and here I am, basically committing my life to him without really experiencing anyone or anything else!” I took a breath. 

“At this point I don’t even know what I want or even if I am happy or am I just convincing myself that I am happy because what my life is like is what I expected would make me the happiest person on the planet.” At this point in my rant I found myself on my feet and pacing around in front of the TV where the intermission screen was still paused from our discussion earlier. 

“Casey..” Chris softly spoke from where he still sat on the couch, but I just continued without really paying him much attention. 

“I know this is dramatic, but what would it have been like if I ended up with someone else or alone?”

“Casey.”

“What if we had ended up together?” I pointed between Chris and then me in rapid succession, laughing a little bit at the sound of the idea even though I had thought about it many times.

“Casey!” The tone of Chris’s voice made me stop my pacing and I stopped myself to look at him with wide eyes.

He rocked back and forth a little bit then got up to come and stand in front of me. I looked up at him and saw the conflict on his face as he tapped his fingers on his chin obviously debating whether he should say what he wanted to. 

“Chris, what’s ---”

Suddenly he blurted out, “What if we had ended up together? What if I had asked you to senior year homecoming like I had originally planned instead of Jasmine?”

I was left speechless at his confession and felt my mouth fall open a little as I floundered for what to say next. 

While my brain tried to process what was happening Chris continued to speak. “I have always regretted asking Jasmine instead of you to homecoming that year and I had debated asking you out basically every time that you came home over break for years, but I didn’t want to have to do long distance so I thought that if I still had these feelings when I finished school that I would go for it then and we would figure it out.”

“Wait, you had feelings for me for all these years?” I almost whispered to him, mouth still agape.

“Yes, and I thought that I was finally going to get my chance to tell you 2 years ago when you came home for Christmas break. I was going to tell you that I had applied to a masters program at your school, but you came home and excitedly told me about Namjoon who you had been dating for 4 months.”

I felt my heart sink as I thought back to that day at the coffee shop. I had noticed that his normally kind and excited eyes had become dark and stormy as I told him about my new relationship. I hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but now it made sense. 

“I thought that maybe you guys wouldn’t make it, but four months became six, which became a year, which eventually turned into today.” His eyes looked so sad as he recounted his story to me. “I should have told how I felt six years ago and maybe you wouldn’t be standing in front of my ranting about how you don’t know how you feel about another guy, but you would be standing in front of me asking what I wanted for dinner.” 

I felt my heart drop into my stomach as he paused and I still was no closer to knowing how to respond to him. I could not deny that I was not sure where I stood with Namjoon in our relationship, but I could also not deny that I had unresolved feelings for Chris in some form or another for years. 

He reached down and grabbed my hands in his. “I know that you have a lot to take in, but please say something.” His eyes bore into mine trying to understand what may be running through my mind.

Instead of making a smart decision like I usually would have, I followed my gut. I looked up at Chris for one second before I took a deep breath and kissed him.

I kissed him like I didn’t have a boyfriend, an apartment, a job, and a life to ruin. 

His lips were soft and he responded almost immediately to my actions and returned the kiss with passion pulling me in. I gently pushed his lips apart with my tongue while he started to walk us backwards toward the couch. 

The back of my legs hit the couch and I sat down pulling him on top of me somehow still not snapping out of the stupor that I was in. I wrapped my arms around his neck and found myself reveling in the feeling of his hard chest and legs pressed against the length of my body. We continued to make out and I ran my hands all over his broad back and arms that were holding his body over mine just enough so that he wouldn’t crush me.  
He then pulled his lips from mine and started running down my neck, exposed part of my chest, and collarbones. “Jesus Casey, what are you doing to me?”

At the sound of his voice my mind snapped back into reality and the realization of everything that had just happened crashed onto me. I froze underneath Chris, opened my eyes, and immediately started wiggling to free myself suddenly feeling claustrophobic. 

Noticing that I had dropped my hands to my sides and was moving around, Chris sat up enough for me to wiggle out from underneath and push myself back to the opposite side of the couch. The look on his face was that of pure confusion as I sat there having a full on panic attack about what I had just done. I took one more look at his face and his mussed up hair and bolted for the door, only stopping to quickly slip on my zip up boots and grab my purse. 

The cold spring night air hit my skin sobering me up even more as I continued to run away from Chris’s shouts from his front door.


End file.
